CAN I GET a MAN WITH THAT?

VARSITY BLUES

Today’s contributor falls victim to a sprinkler system’s plan to derail her love life.

Back in high school, I was a cheerleader, dating one of the football players. As the season started to wind down, there were only three games left to brave the cold and cheer on my boyfriend in my skimpy uniform. The school I went to wasn’t that nice—our football field was crappy and the track we cheered on was pretty much gravel. But we were damn good at football and everyone in town was there, including his parents, who hated me. But I was slowly trying to win them over. 

I was a flyer, so during the second quarter I went up for a stunt. One of the girls that was supposed to catch me slipped on the gravel and lost her footing. I obviously wasn’t caught very well, since she slipped, but managed to catch my fall. I stumbled back off of the track onto the field and caught myself with my hands. When I stood up and tried to move my foot, I couldn’t—it had fallen down into a hole and my shoe was stuck to something. When I gave it a tug, I heard everyone (the football players, the cheerleading team, and the people in the stands) scream. 

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PEE-WEE

Today’s contributor’s wine antics cost her happiness with boyfriends’ family.

My boyfriend of three years decided that it was time for me to meet his extended family so we planned to do thanksgiving in his hometown. We both went to college in the west coast but he is originally from Virginia. So we took the long flight to Virginia that by the time we got there I was extremely tired.  Now the thing with me is, I can never be sober and fly, so let’s just say I had too much wine on the plane.

To this day, I will swear up and down that I wasn’t that drunk but as I relay the turn of events that evening they will prove me wrong. His older brother came to pick us up from the airport and as soon as I sat in the car, my bladder suddenly wanted to explode. I thought to myself, “You can hold this in till we get home”.

All through the forty five minute drive from the airport, I squirmed in my seat, tried flexing my bladder, crossing my legs and tried to sound cool while talking to my boyfriend’s brother. My boyfriend knew something was up so he sent me a text saying, “I told you not to go for the second glass!” He was furious.

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WE ARE FAMILY

Today’s contributor and her sister find themselves together in the sex trenches

When I was still in high school, I visited my older sister at
college for the weekend. I had gone up to see her a few times by myself, but this time, I decided to bring my boyfriend with me.

My sister is not the overprotective, loving family member that is stereotyped
to fit the role of an older sister, mine is the type that wants to get me as
hammered as possible so that I don’t remember getting home. With this
information into account, she bought three bottles of liquor and two cases of
beer to start off with before taking my boyfriend and me out to a party.

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DON’T DRIVE AND BONE

Today’s contributor learns the danger of vehicular sex     
 
Since my boyfriend and I both live at home, it’s hard for us to get some alone time.  Every once in a while, we have to resort to having sex in my parent’s car.  It’s uncomfortable, but also necessary.  The last time that we decided to do it in the car though, an unexpected visitor interrupted us.

My boyfriend and I were in the backseat, we had our clothes off and we were going at it, when there was a knock on the window. 

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PIMPLE DICK

Today’s contributor learns that certain parts of the body aren’t immune to acne

Everyone has those moments when they look back on their past relationships and
think, “what the hell was I thinking?” My boyfriend from high school definitely
fit into that category.

He was two years older than I was and was graduating and taking classes at the
local community college when I was a sophomore. He always loved working on
cars, but he was actually looking to be certified as a mechanic. Naturally, he
was dirty and greasy all the time which didn’t seem to bother me that much.

Even though this was the boy I lost my virginity to, I wanted to experiment and
try all kinds of things, and in addition to that we screwed like rabbits.

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BURNING LOVE

Today’s contributor tackles an unfamiliar sensation

In college, my boyfriend and I would rent motel rooms by the hour to get freaky outside of the dorms. Yeah, I realize how lowbrow that sounds.

One day, he brought strawberry lube, which we had never used before. It was exciting trying something new! We started having sex and at first it was great, until my va-jay-jay started burning.

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PRIVACY PLEASE

Today’s contributor has a traumatizing sexperience involving her boyfriend’s dad


I was at my boyfriends house recently and we were making out on a couch he has in his room, like we always do. We started to really get into it and he took off his shirt and the next thing I knew, we were having sex. We were cautious not to make to much noise because his parents and siblings were all home. But it felt so good, I couldn’t help but to moan a little.

Eventually, we made our way over to the bed so we’d have more room. The down side was that the bed made a lot of noise as it hit the wall. About 10 minutes later we heard a soft thumping noise but we thought nothing of it we just kept going. Since both of our eyes were shut in pleasure, we couldn’t really see what was going on.

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HIDE AND PEE

The brazen sex antics of today’s contributor lead to an awkward bathroom moment

I took a brief weekend vacation with my ex-boyfriend about a year ago, and in order to save money on a hotel room we split the cost with one of his friends and his girlfriend. We were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so every chance we got alone in the room together we’d start making out, rolling around on the floor, and having hot quickie sex. We were masters at timing and not getting caught hooking up — until the last night of our trip.

On a whim, our roommates decided to it would be fun to walk to a karaoke bar across the street around 11 o’clock after a night of drinking and swimming (I know, real safe right?). After a few minutes of convincing, my boyfriend and I decided to join. I wanted to take a shower to get the chlorine out of my hair so we stayed behind and told our friends we’d meet up in a few minutes. The bathing suit I had on was a complicated cut-out one piece and the straps were criss cross in the back, so I struggled a good bit to shimmy out of it before I finally asked my dude for help.

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