CAN I GET a MAN WITH THAT?

(M)ORAL PERFORMANCE

Today’s contributor has a run-in with a not so holy church boy.

I was performing in the choir at a school concert, when this guy I had been crushing on asked if I wanted to make out with him in my car. He was Mormon, so I was a bit confused—wasn’t his body was supposed to be for Jesus? Not one to pass up a good time, I obliged and a couple of minutes into the car action he said, “Give me a blow job.”

As my head is bobbing in the back seat, I saw headlights shining towards the window and the car looked really familiar—it was my mom! I quickly maneuvered his member out of my mouth and ducked down. Cautiously peeking out, Mr. Holier Than Thou got tired of waiting and said, “I think we’re done here.”

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BED HEAD GEL

Today’s contributor gives a guy’s pimp costume some added juice

It was my first Halloween as a college student and, like many of my peers, my costume was meant to resemble a prostitute. And my first collegiate Halloween experience did not disappoint — I joined my friends at a fraternity house and we hit the dance floor, while drinking copious amounts of alcohol.  

Naturally, I found a frat boy that struck my fancy — a super senior that matched my sexual tension and also my costume — he was dressed as a pimp. After passing the point of being blacked out before the party was over, it was obvious I was going to shack there.

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GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT

Today’s contributor can’t quite deliver the goods

The other night, I spent hours drinking at a house party with my boyfriend. By 3 a.m., we were naked in bed, setting the perfect mood, until he opened his mouth to demand a blow job. Being an excellent and extremely intoxicated girlfriend, I complied. I started giving what I thought was an excellent blow job, when all of a sudden I was interrupted.

“I’m hungry. Make me a snack,” he said. Yes, I am serious. At that moment my boyfriend asked me to stop blowing him and make him a snack! “You just asked me to blow you and now you want me to make you a snack? No way,” I said. “I want sex…like now.”

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DRIVER’S HEAD

Today’s contributor gets a driving lesson she wont forget
 
I have never been a fan of drunken hookups—mainly because I always feel like a complete idiot the morning after. But I’m a light weight—literally in size and tolerance—so it doesn’t take much for me to get a buzz going, and during one occasion, the word “idiot” was an understatement.

I was en route to a popular make out spot with my boyfriend called “Lookout Point.” We were only two miles away, but I was drunk, horny, and my libido couldn’t wait any longer. So I pulled my boyfriend’s pants down and gave him road head right then and there. You know a man is having a good time when he’s louder than the music. But, of course, something always has to go wrong in a perfect scenario.

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SMILE AND BLOW ME

Today’s contributor grapples with an age-old question: spit or swallow?

My boyfriend and I are very frisky. We made it past the ‘honeymoon’ phase and still can’t keep our hands off each other. I sometimes like to start his engine with a blowjob, and then move on to the grand finale. But I never swallow.

He eventually caught on and asked why I don’t swallow—for some reason beyond me guys love that idea (Thanks, porn). So, I decided to try it out. Bad idea. The first time I gagged and chugged a whole Coke in ten seconds flat. From that day forward, I always kept one handy while giving head to offset the taste.

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IN TOO DEEP

A romantic weekend is ruined for today’s contributor when a sex act goes awry

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex, but we don’t see each other often. We live in two different states, he’s always working, and I’m always at school. We decided to spend Fourth of July weekend together at a hotel, even though I had my period. He joked that I would just have to give him blowjobs.  

Before we left, he wined and dined me with homemade tacos and red wine. At the hotel room, things started getting hot. I kissed my way down his chest and start going down on him. As it got more intense, he wanted to see how much of him I could fit into my mouth. I deep-throated for a while and then started gagging. He pushed for me to go deeper but I told him I was going to throw up. He promised me I wouldn’t, and I took his word for it. I kept going lower, trying to fit as much in my mouth as possible. Suddenly, my eyes began to tear and I starting gagging.

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