CAN I GET a MAN WITH THAT?

FLUSHED AWAY

Today’s contributor missed an important lessons in potty training

The other day I was at work and I really had to pee. However, I was dealing with a very stubborn client, so I had to hold it in for over 30 minutes! When I finally got a chance to use the  bathroom I was in a huge hurry.  When I started to pee, I realized I pulled down my skirt, but I had forgotten to pull down my thong! I was completely soaked.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just flushed my new juicy couture underwear down the toilet and went back to work, as if nothing had happened. Later, one of my really cute co-workers that I had been flirting with recently went to use the bathroom and came out complaining about how the toilet was overflowing because there was a  flushed thong!

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HOOK UP PIGEONHOLED

Today’s contributor learns that sometimes good luck superstitions are just plain wrong.

While studying abroad in Italy last semester, I was on the hunt for a sexy foreign man. I stayed in Florence, where the bars were always packed with locals. I hit the scene pretty hard with my girls, until I finally found the perfect Italian man. I thought he was way out of my league, but he approached me, so I didn’t question it.

We went outside for a smoke, and then started making out. The night was young and people were starting to loiter outside, so we moved into the street to continue making out. He was a really great kisser and I was totally zoned out—until I heard a splat, and something dripped between our lips.

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GOLDEN SHOWERS

Today’s contributor’s roommate is in for a rude awakening

I brought a guy back to my apartment last month after a night out with my girls.  One heated sack session and two orgasms later, we fell asleep. Then, in the middle of the night, nature called and he got up to use the bathroom. Although I don’t find my apartment confusing, apparently he did, because he didn’t find the bathroom.  

He was so drunk and disoriented, that he found himself in my roommate’s bedroom.  And, instead of peeing into a toilet, he peed on my roommate.  Yes, he undid his jeans, and actually urinated on my roommate while she was asleep in bed. My roommate, understandably confused and upset, began to hit the guy I had sex with.  And then, this guy, still drunk, began to hit my roommate back!

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THE PUSSYCAT’S DOG

Today’s contributor has a penis-attacking pussy

Last month, my  boyfriend and I adopted a cat from a nearby shelter—an uber-friendly kitten named Doug, who loves to play with squeaky toys. The only problem is—when my boyfriend and I are having sex, Doug likes to watch. It creeps me out, so during sexy time, Doug gets the boot.

One night, we had toe-curling sex, not unlike usual. When we’re finished, my boyfriend always has a very large erection—I like to stare at him. I don’t know why, it just turns me on, so I make him stand in front of me while I lay on the bed. But for some very strange reason, unbeknown to us, Doug had made it into the bedroom that night.

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