CAN I GET a MAN WITH THAT?

SWEET PEE & THE WILDERNESS MAN

Today’s contributor thought her date had no manners, until she did something utterly shameful.

I’d been working 12 hour+ days when I met up for a first date with Wilderness Man. He will forever remain with that name in my memory, because, to this day, I’ve never met a man so in tune with his inner animal. We met up at a bar and talked awkwardly for a while, while he ate and drank like a man who hadn’t even heard of the word etiquette. The date was going nowhere and we both figured that out relatively quickly. I said I had to go and he walked me to the train to go back up town, only then did we realize that we lived in the same neighborhood. Then, disaster struck.

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THE PRINCESS AND THE PEE

A drunken hookup leaves today’s contributor all wet

After a long night of drinking, I stumbled into the dorms with my roommate and her two guy friends. Neither of them were my type, but after a few drinks, if I squinted really hard, one of them started to resemble Ryan Gosling. Once inside, my roommate noticed my intoxicated oogling and decided to give us some privacy.

Sure enough, he hopped into bed with me, but said he needed a nap. A nap? Yea, right. I had other plans — like making out in bed. After about 10 minutes, things started heating up, when suddenly, he got up, put on his shoes without saying a word and ran out.

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FLUSHED AWAY

Today’s contributor missed an important lessons in potty training

The other day I was at work and I really had to pee. However, I was dealing with a very stubborn client, so I had to hold it in for over 30 minutes! When I finally got a chance to use the  bathroom I was in a huge hurry.  When I started to pee, I realized I pulled down my skirt, but I had forgotten to pull down my thong! I was completely soaked.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just flushed my new juicy couture underwear down the toilet and went back to work, as if nothing had happened. Later, one of my really cute co-workers that I had been flirting with recently went to use the bathroom and came out complaining about how the toilet was overflowing because there was a  flushed thong!

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PEE-WEE

Today’s contributor’s wine antics cost her happiness with boyfriends’ family.

My boyfriend of three years decided that it was time for me to meet his extended family so we planned to do thanksgiving in his hometown. We both went to college in the west coast but he is originally from Virginia. So we took the long flight to Virginia that by the time we got there I was extremely tired.  Now the thing with me is, I can never be sober and fly, so let’s just say I had too much wine on the plane.

To this day, I will swear up and down that I wasn’t that drunk but as I relay the turn of events that evening they will prove me wrong. His older brother came to pick us up from the airport and as soon as I sat in the car, my bladder suddenly wanted to explode. I thought to myself, “You can hold this in till we get home”.

All through the forty five minute drive from the airport, I squirmed in my seat, tried flexing my bladder, crossing my legs and tried to sound cool while talking to my boyfriend’s brother. My boyfriend knew something was up so he sent me a text saying, “I told you not to go for the second glass!” He was furious.

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HIDE AND PEE

The brazen sex antics of today’s contributor lead to an awkward bathroom moment

I took a brief weekend vacation with my ex-boyfriend about a year ago, and in order to save money on a hotel room we split the cost with one of his friends and his girlfriend. We were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so every chance we got alone in the room together we’d start making out, rolling around on the floor, and having hot quickie sex. We were masters at timing and not getting caught hooking up — until the last night of our trip.

On a whim, our roommates decided to it would be fun to walk to a karaoke bar across the street around 11 o’clock after a night of drinking and swimming (I know, real safe right?). After a few minutes of convincing, my boyfriend and I decided to join. I wanted to take a shower to get the chlorine out of my hair so we stayed behind and told our friends we’d meet up in a few minutes. The bathing suit I had on was a complicated cut-out one piece and the straps were criss cross in the back, so I struggled a good bit to shimmy out of it before I finally asked my dude for help.

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