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“Before I could respond to his insane question, my vagina answered for me—a loud queef had exited its way out of me.”—Excerpted from THE ITALIAN (NOT SO) STALLION
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“It wasn’t that I didn’t have a hymen, it was that my ex’s Vienna sausage was too small to break it.”—Excerpted from BORN AGAIN VIRGIN
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“I promised that when I saw Aunt Flow again, I was gonna kill that bitch.”—Excerpted from GAME ON, MOTHER NATURE
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“He tried to have sex with me, and I slurred something to the effect of ‘I have a wad of cotton up there dude.’”—EXCERPTED FROM FOUL PLAY
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“Before I knew it, the deacon was fondling my breasts! Then all of a sudden, church boy whipped out a condom.”—Excerpted from FREAKIN’ THE DEACON
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“His roommates rushed inside only to find me sprawled across the floor butt naked”—Excerpted from ALL FALLS DOWN
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“Two employees from the front desk were standing in our room, glaring at our naked bodies cowering under the sheets.”—Excerpted from WHAT A TRIP
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YELLOW SUBMARINE EXCERPT
- Me: You have to come get me. Something bad happened.
- Her: What? Are you okay?
- Me: NO! I just had sex with a midget with a yellow dick!
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“Then, as I was leaving, I remembered I always travel with a pocket knife—I flattened his tires.”—Excerpted from PAYBACK IS A BITCH
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“Between his ripped abs and my raging hormones, I could hardly focus. I was too busy concealing orgasms.”—Excerpted from THIS LITTLE PIGGY CRIED WEE, WEE!
Stuff We Like
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Baby you’re the one that I love
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THE JULEZ FOR JAPAN SHIRT HAS ARRIVED!!!
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when i have a kid i am dressing it like this… so...
