Who You Callin’ Bitch?!
Name Helena Andrews
Status Single, Head of Household
Position Authoress
In her new memoir, Bitch Is the New Black, Helena Andrews pokes fun at the stereotype that says “successful” and “bitch” are synonymous. With the help of Grey’s Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes, her eccentric childhood as the kidnapped daughter of the town lesbian and subsequent roller coaster ride to single, overachiever approaching 30 is being adapted for film. Today the self-described smart-ass answers our 15 Questions on love, career and the modern bitch.
Who is your favorite couple, living or dead, real or fictional?
Lucy and Ricky. “Lucy Ricardo” was the most subversive Stepford wife in the history of the world. Being a wife and a mother was never enough for her even when it was supposed to be. And Ricky, despite being the stereotypical archetype of machismo, always gave in because he knew she needed more than a baby and a tiny ass apartment.
Have you ever offended anyone on a date?
If I have, I was totally oblivious to it. Once I showed up to a “date”—a lecture on volcanoes in outer space—in a Sesame Street T-shirt and black jeans. I was trying to fit in with all the other geeks, but apparently I was “under dressed.”
In 140 characters or less, what is Bitch is the New Black?
In Tweet-speak, #BITNB is this woman’s journey from Catalina to catcalls. It’s about my dog Miles, getting mugged twice, loved up often and Michelle Obama.
The word bitch has obviously evolved from the time Queen Latifah demanded, ‘who you callin’ a bitch?!’ in 1993 to when Tina Fey coined the title phrase of your memoir on Saturday Night Live. How do you define bitch?
The Queen also said, “when we playing it’s cool,” which I always thought was funny. The first time I called another girl a bitch I was 12. She was like the coolest girl in sixth grade and I wanted to be friends. Go figure. Since then the word has evolved to encompass any woman who isn’t cute and cuddly. I reject the Care Bear approach to life. Sure, I like to laugh, but I also like to laugh at people. I also think I’m way too cool for everything except making fun of myself, which is always a blast.
Lady Gaga told Cosmo earlier this year, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” Is this ‘hypothetical mumbo-jumbo’ or a real choice modern women have to make?
Claire Huxtable really fucked a lot of girls up. Nobody can pop out five kids, run a brownstone, be a partner at a law firm, speak fluent Spanish and still have sex with her husband on a regular basis. It’s just not done. That being said, I don’t think my business cards will stop me from falling in love. But at the end of the day something’s gotta give (my favorite movie btw), and although careers can’t walk out on you (allegedly) they also can’t put the curtains up.
