YELLOW SUBMARINE
Today’s contributor gets ditched by a hookup who doesn’t exactly measure up
It was freshman year of college—I had gone out drinking, consumed a little too much and somehow ended up in my friend Kyle’s room. His friend Joey was visiting for the weekend and his roommate was out of town. So, there we were, me and Joey, cuddling on the vacant, bottom bunk, while Kyle was laying above us watching TV.
One thing led to another and soon enough, the two of us were having sex. This was awkward, since I’m 5’ 8” and Joey is no taller than 5’ 5”. As he whipped out a yellow condom, I remember pointing at it and laughing uncontrollably while he slipped it on, saying something about a submarine. Kyle finally realized what we were doing down there and left the room.
Halfway through the sex, Joey randomly stopped, got up, and zipped his pants—with the yellow condom still on his penis! He then threw all my clothes at me, mumbled something about how he “just couldn’t do this” to his friend.
It was about 5am, and I called my best friend. I don’t remember this conversation, but she said it went something like this:
Me: You have to come get me. Something bad happened.
Her: What? Are you okay?
Me: NO! I just had sex with a midget with a yellow dick!
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