A STICKY SITUATION
Today’s contributor gets a very special birthday gift … all over her shirt
The binge drinking fragmented my memory from the night of my birthday, but one particular incident sticks to me in a rather unpleasant way.
I was in the bathroom of a college house — the kind of bathroom where you can’t seem to find the toilet paper and you are staring at a growing form of shower mildew. In the midst of my quest to find toilet paper, I heard a knock. It was my childhood friend. He busted open the door and had one of those dopey looks in his eyes. I didn’t know whether to hide my money or put a lock on the zipper of my pants.
“Happy birthday, you look bangin’…have you been working out?” he said. What a compliment. Nonetheless, I appreciated it. He then proceeded to slobber on my face; I couldn’t qualify it as making out. Apparently, he was very horny. We were “making out” for a few minutes, and I was unaware that he was jacking himself off during this steamy bathroom hookup (literally, it was hot in there).
He pulled himself off of me, only to reveal a surprise on my top. He had left his mark with a large, asymmetrical array of jizz on my shirt. It was sticky and disgusting, and I was shocked. Then, he made the smart decision of splashing natural light in my direction. Needless to say, I immediately left the party.
Happy birthday to me.
