WE ARE FAMILY
Today’s contributor takes keeping it in the family a little too far
I was at a frat party and hooked up with a beautiful boy, Jack, with spiked brown hair and blue eyes. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, being fingered on a couch in front of 30 other people at the party, but no situation tends to be ideal when you’re this wasted.
He asked for my number afterward and realized that he already had it programmed into his phone. Then came the great realization that we had already met before. I sent him a text the next day and said, “We know each other. Why is this?” Jack said that he remembered visiting my apartment last year when my dad came to visit.
I had no recollection of this whatsoever, but he said he was from Tennessee. The only thing I know about that faraway place is that’s where my second cousins are from. We started talking about people we knew in common when I realized that he had the same last name as one of my cousins down South.
After looking horrified and running out of the house, I immediately called my dad and asked about our family in Tennessee. Without saying that I had possibly hooked up with an extended family member, I asked my dad how the Sloans were related to us and he said it was his cousin’s grandma’s family.
“But that’s not a blood relationship right, Dad? They just married in?”
“Nope, they’re blood relatives.”
It turned out that Jack was my third cousin on my dad’s side of the family.
I wish I could say that stopped me from hooking up with him. At the next party, I let him finger me again. But at least we didn’t have sex, right?
