MISTAKEN PROTECTION
Today’s contributor learns why female condoms are called female condoms
My regular hookup buddy came over and after fooling around for a bit things quickly escalated; I asked him if he had brought a condom. He pulled one out of his bag, but it was a female condom (exactly why he was carrying one I’ll never know). I had never used one before and was apprehensive about putting it inside of me; needless to say I was too horny to muster up the composure to read the instructions. Unfortunately, it was the only form of contraception we had, so in a moment of total ignorance, we decided that he would put on the female condom and that would have to be sufficient protection.
We assumed our favorite position—doggy-style. He was a lot bigger than me and needed to support himself. He held my hip with one hand and the wall with the other. The next thing we knew - the condom broke and he immediately pulled out. The fun was over and we quickly realized that female condoms are thinner and much more lubricated than regular condoms. I laid there even more aroused than I was before, with no hope of being satisfied (cue the cold shower). As I was getting ready that morning I realized that there was a giant Titanic-like hand print on the wall. It suddenly dawned on me that the extra lubricant from the female condom transferred to the wall when my hookup was supporting himself.
I left the hand print for the afternoon and prayed that my roommate wouldn’t notice. She never mentioned anything and later that afternoon I showed my best friend the mark and quickly cleaned the wall. The life lesson I took away from this experience: female condoms are messy business, not to mention, they’re for females only.
Editor’s Note: While female condoms surely have their merits, we’ve heard one too many horror story to recommend them. On the other hand, we’re fans of Love Box by Durex. If you’ve been reading the confessions on our site, we’re obviously not shy about our sexuality, but running the risk of having our handy handbag condom stash exposed when we’re searching for our phone in a restaurant isn’t a good look. Lucky for us, the folks at Durex sent us Love Box by Durex for review. It holds three condoms in a super cute, fashion accessory-like carrying case that makes condoms perfectly inconspicuous (as long as our five year old cousin doesn’t open it while searching for gum). You can get your own stash online and in-store at the following retailers: CVS, Drugstore.com, Publix, Rite Aid, Walgreens and Walmart. Enjoy!
