SCOUT’S HONOR
Today’s contributor refuses to spread eagle for this scout
After senior prom, my Boy Scout date and I came back to an empty house and made ourselves comfortable in the living room. I was feeling really sophisticated in my chic Maggie Sottero gown and he looked dapper in his rental tux. Since my parents weren’t home, we opened the liquor cabinet and poured ourselves a couple shots of scotch. We said cheers, tossed back our heads, and let the scotch disappear down our throats.
It only took one shot for him to muster up the nerve for what he did next — rearrange the furniture!? Once he had it in the order he felt best, he plopped down in the center of the floor with his legs spread out and a grin on his face. He directed me with his finger to come closer and then unzipped his pants.
“Excuse me?” I asked irritated by his delusional gestures that were 100% unwanted. He smiled back eager to get it on. I walked over to him lounging on my parents’ Venetian rug and sat down next to him. I gazed deeply into his eyes—and then slapped that bitch across the face. Now, he got the unsubtle hint that I didn’t want to have sex with him.
He and his tearful eyes stood up and walked out of my house, leaving his tux jacket behind. I’d say that this Boy Scout did not receive his merit badge in “smooth.”
