GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT
Today’s contributor can’t quite deliver the goods
The other night, I spent hours drinking at a house party with my boyfriend. By 3 a.m., we were naked in bed, setting the perfect mood, until he opened his mouth to demand a blow job. Being an excellent and extremely intoxicated girlfriend, I complied. I started giving what I thought was an excellent blow job, when all of a sudden I was interrupted.
“I’m hungry. Make me a snack,” he said. Yes, I am serious. At that moment my boyfriend asked me to stop blowing him and make him a snack! “You just asked me to blow you and now you want me to make you a snack? No way,” I said. “I want sex…like now.”
It appeared as though he decided to listen to me, for once, and we
started having sex. But once again my charming boyfriend had to ruin it by moaning, “I want your dick!” I had never been more shocked or horrified in my entire life.
“WHAT?!” I shouted.
“Just put your dick by my face. I just want your dick,” he demanded. And no matter how many times I asserted that I did not have a dick to do that with, he just kept insisting that I give him my dick.
Eventually, he came to some sort of reasoning in his head and,
sounding extremely frustrated, said, “FINE! Just give me whatever you have.” That night, I made a promise that I would never let him live this down—especially the request for my nonexistent dick.
