CAN I GET a MAN WITH THAT?

PISS AND TELL

A weak bladder interferes with a romantic encounter

Senior year of college, I worked for the university’s in-house catering company, which meant lots of long hours standing on my feet. By the end of a 10-hour shift, I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. In fact, so exhausted that I ignored the tingling sensation that signaled I had to pee.

En route to the bus stop, I realized my bladder wasn’t going to make it the 8 minutes it would take to reach my off-campus apartment, or the 2 minutes it would take to sprint back to my job. I ran to the nearest building in a panic, but it was Sunday—the doors were locked—so I made a mad dash for the bushes a few yards away. Unfortunately, I came up short. By that I mean, literally 10 steps to the huge flower pot in front of the building, where I plopped down and released—just as soon as my crush pulled up offering me a ride!

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HOT LINKS ON A PLATTER

A delectable roundup of the week’s most buzzed about topics

• QUOTED: ‘I thought it was gum.’ —Paris Hilton’s alleged explanation for the cocaine found in her purse. Yea, we snort our gum, too.
• VIDEO: The creepiest, perviest, oddest, wanna-be Old Spice, feminine hygiene ad EVER —Lemondrop
• Lady Gaga fan to undergo sex change to be more like the Lady herself. Has he heard of Joe Calderone? —Broadsheet
• WTF News: California doctor tries to break into her ex’s home through the chimney, gets stuck, and dies! —The Daily Beast
  
• Leggings, please stop making mutant babies with our pants. Thanks, Management. —The Frisky 
• Some not so bad, but terribly biased sex advice from the right wing —Nerve
• Blow jobs can give you HPV, the oral cancer causing kind —Canada.com 
  

Happy Labor Day! If you’re still looking for a fall internship, hit us up!

DRIVER’S HEAD

Today’s contributor gets a driving lesson she wont forget
 
I have never been a fan of drunken hookups—mainly because I always feel like a complete idiot the morning after. But I’m a light weight—literally in size and tolerance—so it doesn’t take much for me to get a buzz going, and during one occasion, the word “idiot” was an understatement.

I was en route to a popular make out spot with my boyfriend called “Lookout Point.” We were only two miles away, but I was drunk, horny, and my libido couldn’t wait any longer. So I pulled my boyfriend’s pants down and gave him road head right then and there. You know a man is having a good time when he’s louder than the music. But, of course, something always has to go wrong in a perfect scenario.

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EASY CUM, EASY GO

Today’s contributor fools around with an older, less experienced guy
 
Sophomore year of high school, I went on my first date with an upperclassman. He was so embarrassed at the “girly” cafe I chose that he insisted we rent an action flick instead. This was more likely an excuse to get me back to his house and in his bedroom, where we started making out, than an attempt to preserve his manhood. Or so I thought.

About two minutes into lip locking, I realized that even though he was older, I was clearly more experienced. His tongue was practically swimming in my throat, his hands were all over the place, and lets not forget the awkward dry hump. I decided it was time for me to take control of the situation.

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ROOM RAIDERS

Too much action sends one college coed packing

My roommate and I share a split double dorm, meaning there’s a wall that conveniently divides it in half. But when the door opens, however, you can see straight onto my side of the room. My roommate’s side is behind the wall.

We had talked earlier on about bringing guys back to the room to have sex. In fact, we were both pretty open about it. We agreed that since there’s a wall dividing us, if one person wants to have sex while the other is in the room, it’s perfectly fine, since you cant see anything anyways. But my roommate quickly changed her mind when she realized I was the only one getting any action, and she had no one. I was having sex almost every time she was in the room.

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ME, MYSELF, AND VIBES

Sometimes all a girl really needs is “me” time

Dry spells suck and I was going through a particularly rough one. But that’s why God invented girl’s best friend, a hot pink vibrator.

My roommate had some guys visiting and they were heading out to dinner. I decided to stay in—it would save money and facilitate some much needed “me” time. As soon as they left, I hopped in the shower, and when I was done, quickly ran into my room naked with just a towel on my head. I pulled out my vibrating life-savor and started doing my thing. The next thing I heard was my apartment door opening and GUY VOICES!

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AGE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER

Today’s contributor may want to start checking I.D.’s

I was at a party when a guy friend introduced me to his younger brother. Now, my friend is pretty damn hot, but his younger brother was even hotter. As far as I knew, he was a junior visiting from another college—only a year younger than me, no big deal. We started chatting about school, his major, and even some mutual friends. I’d say we hit it off immediately.

I decided to take him to my friend’s apartment for a game of beer pong. We played a couple of rounds and kicked everyone’s ass while getting pretty boozed up. In celebration of our victories, I decided to bring him back to my apartment for a one-night stand. We had sex at least three times that night, and in the morning he made me coffee—and he made the bed! I didn’t regret my decision at all.

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HOT LINKS ON A PLATTER

A delectable roundup of the week’s most buzzed about topics

• QUOTED: ‘I’m gonna do to your virginity, what Alfred Hitchcock did to Birds’ —Will Ferrell’s The Virginity Hit
• VIDEO: Some of us sang ‘Rock the Boat’ before we understood sexual innuendo. It’s safe to say we get it now —R.I.P Aaliyah (1/16/1979 - 8/25/2001)
• They’re not that innocent: Mortifying childhood stories of masturbation from the grown-ups who survived it. —Jezebel
• The Good Wife gets Oral (and we’re not talking about speaking up for herself) —Huffington Post
• Finally a chastity belt for men, but it’s definitely not one size fits all. —Gizmodo
• Miley Cyrus plays an unchaste, pot head, lesbian. Are you ‘Laughing out Loud’? —Hollywood Life
• WTF News: Bend over, squat, spread and cough. Oh, and lift your labia while you’re at it. —Ms. Magazine 

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